struggles of a church planting wife…

5 Aug

So the past 18 months have been spent as a church planter’s wife. Pretty far from where we envisioned God would bring us in our life, but an adventure nevertheless. When entering down this path, I embraced it with open heart and open arms. I knew I could totally depend on God to provide for our family, knew we were in His will, and knew we had family and friends to support us. I’m a girl who is pretty open minded when it comes to change and adventure and just having my husband and family alongside me set me in a pretty trusting place. I figured there would be setbacks and struggles. We actually embraced responding to God’s call in starting Columbia Church as a way to stretch and strengthen our faith. So all this to say, I have been pretty much a long for the ride of this chapter of our life, while supporting JD in any way I can as a wife and partner.

I think though that to be pretty open and honest, I am starting to feel the struggles of church planting. Some of the emotions I have felt at various times over this journey have been hurt, fear, jealousy, inadequacy, and even anger. Fear of the future, financial strains, hurt from families leaving, jealousy at what other have when I feel we sacrifice much, even anger towards God in things not moving quick enough for my liking. There’s also loneliness – who else has felt this struggle or experienced what I’m feeling or going through?

As I encounter these emotions, I realize that I am getting what I essentially asked for – a faith strengthened. Our family has made sacrifices that has made our family better. Our values are in a very different place. The values we are teaching our children are different. I’m learning patience, and God’s timing. I’m also learning empathy and compassion for what others are going through. I guess most things can be linked to my selfish nature – wanting control, bigger, sooner, more. When I sit back, at my protector’s feet, I can see a larger picture and know that He is who He says He is. He has my present and my future cradled in His hands, just like He has always has. I have no reason to fear, no reason for selfishness, or anger, or hurt. I just have to quietly trust and walk each day of this journey relying on what His ultimate plan is.

I firmly believe that Columbia needs this church that we’re working so hard to bring. The fruit of our labor will be worth it when we see life change happening around us, knowing that we had some part to play in it.

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One Response to “struggles of a church planting wife…”

  1. mom August 6, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    I love you!! Believe me…even though I am not a church-planting wife, I also have some of the same battles you do. Thanks for being so honest and sharing-it’s not always easy to honestly admit your feelings and thoughts……praying!

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