A year ago today

23 Nov

A year ago today we were having Benjamin admitted to Richland hospital due to an abscess he had on his rear that was infected with Staph. I had left church a little early that Sunday morning to to to the pediatrician’s office to have it check3ed out. Little did I know, they suspected a horrible infectious disease and had us rush over to the hospital. As he slept in the backseat of the car, and I drove down the interstate, I remember being mad, scared, confused, and angry. I screamed at God at the top of my lungs as I listened to the radio. I still remember the song “Praise You in This Storm” coming on and me uncontrollably sobbing. 

We were admitted and drs. began talking about antibiotics, surgery, infectious disease, etc. Try explaining to an almost two year old what’s going on and why they’re contained in a cage with IV’s hooked up to them. It was awful. JD was home with Cade and I had friends come up to the hospital to offer support and love. Throughout the night, JD stayed with him. I went home to sleep with Cade. 

Another detail in all this was that this was happening on a Sunday/Monday, and 6 am Tuesday morning we were supposed to leave SC and drive to FL for Thanksgiving with family. We didn’t know if we’d be able to make it, if we were going, how long Ben would have to stay at the hospital, or anything. 

Fast forward through a really rough night of sleep, antibiotic treatments every 4 hours, to Monday. I rejoined JD at the hospital Monday morning and spent time with Benjamin before they were going to take him back for surgery. He was so pissed that morning. The pics we have on our phone from it are hysterical because you can totally read his expression. I was with him as they took him back to put him under. They took him from my arms and walked down a hall with him as he screamed “Mommy”. That was one of the hardest parts of this ordeal. A few hours later I was paged that he was in recovery and surgery had gone well. I went back to hold him as he came out from the anesthesia. That was another awful part. He screamed and cried and thrashed like I have never seen. To hold your baby with him in such pain and confusion was heart-wrenching.  

After he recovered from the anesthesia and we went back to him room we were talking to drs. about our planned trip to Florida. They wanted to get 2 more rounds of antibiotics in him before they sent us home, so the time line was looking like we could be discharged, but it would be around 10-11pm that night. Which is exactly what happened. We weren’t able to leave at 6 am the next day; we weren’t prepared, but we left around 2pm. 

A week afterwards, pathology came back that the staph infection was MRSA positive. Google is NOT your friend when you’re uneducated about something and fearful. It only perpetuates the anxiety you have and I made that mistake. For weeks that followed, even months, I felt that I had lost something precious to me – the vulnerability of health. I realized how naive I was in regards to the health of my kids and our family. It was a defeating feeling. I prayed so much in those days following for peace and comfort because I had NONE. I was confronted with the fact that our children are truly not our own, they are gifts here on Earth. It’s one thing to know that thought in the back of your head, but truly another to confront it face to face. I remember going through the holidays anxious, depressed, and scared. I was terrified someone else in our house would get it. I disinfected every inch of our living space, bleached every toy, and implemented a hand cleaning regiment. Peace I had not.

Eventually those feelings have faded with time. And today, I am just so thankful to have had an uneventful year with healthy children and JD and I healthy. I will never take good health for granted again. I am also thankful for those friends and family who were there for us as well – calling, visiting, and most of all praying.

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