Spiritually, this is where I am. Craving something more. I can feel it in my daily dissatisfaction with my current place. I can taste the sweetness of a day lived walking with Christ by my side. Yet, I struggle to do anything about it.
I let the daily duties and relationships consume my time, effort, energy. Dishes, laundry, feeding littles, schooling, disciplining, encouraging, loving, cleaning, teaching and more fill my minutes which stretch to hours then turn to days.
I can hear a voice whisper “I’m here.” Yet do I move? No. I sit where I’m comfortable in my daily duties. They’re predictable (mostly). They’re safe. They’re familiar. Still I sit wanting.
I can feel something is missing and it seems so simple, so close, but at the same time feels a long distance away. I know I’m not the only one who feels a longing desire to spend a daily quiet time, prayer time, time to listen. Yet the sun goes down, my head rests on the pillow, and I haven’t put forth the effort. Still I’m wanting.
I know my problem. I need to deny myself and the comfort and ease of my current being. I need to set aside my selfish desire for sleep and make Christ my priority. I need to step out in faith in a task that I feel is huge and just do it.
In wanting I want to be used. I want my faith stretched. I want challenge. I want growth. Oh, do I want growth. Yet I feel stuck on my own to accomplish this. This is when I remember, I’m not alone. First and foremost I have the Father of Grace holding my hand. I have a precious God-loving husband to encourage and equip me. I have friends and family to hold me accountable. And I have my children, watching me, as their example of a Godly parent.
So, I shall challenge myself to fill this hunger with baby steps – waking up 30 minutes before the littles for time in His word. Prayer while driving or in the shower. A few notes scattered around the house to remind me to pray. A reprioritizing of my life to see what is cluttering my time. Yes, friend, you can do it too. We can walk this path together. I know I’m not the only one who feels that longing, that wanting, that hunger. Baby steps. It really will be worth it.