wanting

28 Mar

Spiritually, this is where I am. Craving something more. I can feel it in my daily dissatisfaction with my current place. I can taste the sweetness of a day lived walking with Christ by my side. Yet, I struggle to do anything about it.

I let the daily duties and relationships consume my time, effort, energy. Dishes, laundry, feeding littles, schooling, disciplining, encouraging, loving, cleaning, teaching and more fill my minutes which stretch to hours then turn to days.

I can hear a voice whisper “I’m here.” Yet do I move? No. I sit where I’m comfortable in my daily duties. They’re predictable (mostly). They’re safe. They’re familiar. Still I sit wanting.

I can feel something is missing and it seems so simple, so close, but at the same time feels a long distance away. I know I’m not the only one who feels a longing desire to spend a daily quiet time, prayer time, time to listen. Yet the sun goes down, my head rests on the pillow, and I haven’t put forth the effort. Still I’m wanting.

I know my problem. I need to deny myself and the comfort and ease of my current being. I need to set aside my selfish desire for sleep and make Christ my priority. I need to step out in faith in a task that I feel is huge and just do it.

In wanting I want to be used. I want my faith stretched. I want challenge. I want growth. Oh, do I want growth. Yet I feel stuck on my own to accomplish this. This is when I remember, I’m not alone. First and foremost I have the Father of Grace holding my hand. I have a precious God-loving husband to encourage and equip me. I have friends and family to hold me accountable. And I have my children, watching me, as their example of a Godly parent.

So, I shall challenge myself to fill this hunger with baby steps – waking up 30 minutes before the littles for time in His word. Prayer while driving or in the shower. A few notes scattered around the house to remind me to pray. A reprioritizing of my life to see what is cluttering my time. Yes, friend, you can do it too. We can walk this path together. I know I’m not the only one who feels that longing, that wanting, that hunger. Baby steps. It really will be worth it.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33

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10 Responses to “wanting”

  1. Dana March 28, 2011 at 7:14 am #

    great writing. I am right there with you on this. Thanks for making me realize this. I love reading your blogs. Hope you have a great day!

    • chellejd March 29, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

      Thanks Dana! SO happy to have you!

  2. Brooke@brooketurnerphotography.com March 28, 2011 at 8:03 am #

    great post – really spoke to me.

  3. Mom March 28, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    Wow…I’m convicted by this post. No matter what our age or where we are in life, I think we were created to crave more and that is the goal. Thanks for putting into words what is in my heart!

  4. Rick March 28, 2011 at 8:51 am #

    Hmmmm. This paragraph jumped out at me: “I know my problem. I need to deny myself and the comfort and ease of my current being. I need to set aside my selfish desire for sleep and make Christ my priority. I need to step out in faith in a task that I feel is huge and just do it.” I don’t know… I think I’m stretched more to sit in the midst of that “comfort and ease of my current being” and instead of denying it, using it as propellant to whatever God might have ahead. Maybe it’s resting in where God has you, keeping a joyful spirit in the midst of it, and making sure that joy is the encouragement to then do the big things or try the scary things – instead of denying it and leaving it behind. Just thinking 🙂 – thanks!

    • chellejd March 28, 2011 at 7:29 pm #

      Thanks Rick for another perspective on it. I have a hard time with rest. So maybe there’s something to that! 🙂

  5. racheljthomas March 28, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    Did you write this about me??? Loved the post/or hated the conviction! Thanks!

  6. Marlo March 28, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    Thank you for this!!! Its nice to know I am not alone!!!!

  7. Courtney March 28, 2011 at 11:45 pm #

    Thank you so much for this. You put into words what I have been wrestling with lately. I send up little prayers here & there and He is faithful to remind me He is with me, but I don’t connect with Him the way I used too. I’m still a little scared to accept the challenge and fail, but I’m on the brink 😉

    • chellejd March 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm #

      You can do it! Take baby steps and before you know it you’ll be where you and Him want you to be. I think accountability is so important for encouragement too. Happy this spoke to you! 🙂

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